The Most (Il)Logical Explanation of Osama's Death — Very Funny

What is the most illogical explanation of Osama's death?

Sometimes the facts are so absurd that satire has nothing left to add. Consider the undisputed part of the story: Osama bin Laden, the most wanted man on earth, was found living in a large walled compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan — a garrison town, minutes from the country's most prestigious military academy. He had reportedly been there for years.

Now, we are assured by all concerned that nobody in the neighborhood noticed anything unusual. And so, in the spirit of helping, we offer the most illogical explanation of how this came to pass:

The Invisibility Cloak Theory. The compound had very high walls. Very high. So high that from the street you could not see in. Revolutionary technology, 2011. The neighbors, being polite Pakistanis, assumed it was just a very private family that really, really disliked visitors.

The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Doctrine. Nobody asked any questions because everyone understood the first rule of living next to a military academy: the less you know, the longer you sleep at night.

The Great Disguise. Bin Laden was reportedly never seen leaving the compound. But consider: a tall man with a beard, in a country full of tall men with beards, wearing local dress. It is the perfect camouflage — like hiding a grain of sand on a beach, or a politician's promise in an election manifesto.

The Official Explanation (for contrast). Authorities maintained that intelligence work, a courier's trail, and surveillance led to the compound, and that Pakistan's government had no knowledge of who was living there. This explanation is perfectly logical, which is precisely why nobody found it as satisfying as the illogical ones.

We report, you decide. But if your neighbor hasn't taken out the trash in five years and burns his garbage instead, maybe just knock and ask. Politely.