Raising Conscientious Children

I work with kids from ages five to fifteen, teaching them robotics, writing, and science experiments. Every single one of them I have come across has the desire to do well — whether they want to put in the hard work required is another question. Broadly speaking, almost all of them, with the right motivation and prodding, start putting in the work and improve. This is my experience with the kids I teach.

But it's not their hard work, or lack of it, that intrigues me. Many kids are conscientious, while some are not. And I always wonder how some of them always choose the right thing to do.

Some six-year-olds can lie beautifully — either for their needs or just to seem funny — while some fifteen-year-olds would not lie even if it meant getting in trouble. Are children predisposed to behave in a certain manner, or is it a matter of a certain type of nurturing, or lack of it?

Most kids tend to lie or cheat out of fear of failing. That part I understand. I'm happily surprised when a kid owns a mistake and accepts the outcome. Conscientious kids are, in my opinion, products of homes where they are not judged for their behavior — homes where wrong is pointed out and a path toward the right is shown. Yes, it is okay to commit mistakes; mistakes are an opportunity to do the right thing. Often, non-conscientious kids are the ones who are never corrected by their parents — or the ones who are always judged by them.

Most parents want to raise conscientious kids. (A handful teach their kids to "not get caught" — but they are a handful.) Here are some things that help us raise ethical kids:

A supportive atmosphere at home. A supportive atmosphere doesn't mean never correcting your kid. A supportive home means the child has the freedom to be himself — not undermining the parents' authority, just knowing they are heard at home and can express their views without judgment. They also know they'll be corrected for a wrong — but not shamed.

Reading together. We all know we should read more. But telling children to read while we are busy WhatsApping and Facebooking sends the wrong signals — reading starts to look like a chore. As a family, we should aim to choose books together to read. It opens new horizons in the mind and creates a strong bond.

Teaching them to choose kindness over everything. When attentions are fleeting and media is overpowering, one thing needs to be repeated to our children over and over: choose kind, every time. This principle needs a permanent place in their hearts and minds.