The Five Kinds of Men Worth Knowing Before You Settle Down

Inspired by a 2011 Madhuri Banerjee blog post on IBNLive, reimagined in our own words.

Draupadi had it easy. Five husbands, all legal, no awkward explanations needed when the spark faded with one and flared with another. The rest of us get one at a time — so the education has to happen before the wedding. Here is the unofficial syllabus, the five men worth knowing before you settle down.

Who is the best friend guy?

You have known him forever. He may have had a crush on you once; you never quite felt it back, and you were not about to lose a good thing over a silly reason. He is the one who gets your dark humor, who takes you for ice cream when you are low, who makes sure you get home safe and still thinks well of you in the morning. Every woman needs a man in her life who "completes" her without ever being the one she is in love with. That is the paradox, and the gift.

What does the bad boy teach you?

The biker, the commitment-phobe, the charming train wreck who needs fixing. Something in the female nurturing instinct hears his distress signal and thinks: I can be the one who reforms him. And for a while, he does change. He quits the habit, swears he cannot live without you, performs transformation beautifully. Then a new habit replaces the old one. The lesson the bad boy teaches — the only one he is good for — is that people do not change for love. They change when they want to, which is almost never. Remember this when you are married and tempted to renovate your husband. It will save you years.

Why do you need the ex?

The Ex swept you off your feet: charming, funny, everything you wanted. Then one day the calls stopped, the messages went unanswered, and you spent months replaying every conversation, wondering what you did wrong. Weekends were lost to reruns and self-analysis. The Ex is the one you were sure was The One. He wasn't. He was a distraction from your boredom, and a necessary one — because until you have survived the man who got away, you cannot recognize the man who stayed. The Ex must happen. Only then can there be a Current.

What is the point of the love buddy?

Dating, done properly, takes forever. Meanwhile, hot showers and bubble baths get boring. Enter the love buddy: discreet, mutually secretive, excellent at exactly one thing. No dinners, no walks, no book discussions. The arrangement works precisely as long as nobody catches feelings; the moment emotion enters, his number gets deleted. It is the one skeleton you take to the grave — and the education it provides is honest: desire and devotion are different things, and knowing the difference is what makes you ready.

How do you spot the husband?

Indian mothers have always known him, which is why they are so good at arranged matches. He has a stable career, a level head, and the patience to talk through your plans rather than just applaud them. He is kind to your parents, gets along with your siblings, and drives your drunk friends home. He may not seem like the exciting choice "for now." He is the right one forever.

Five men. Five lessons. Then — and only then — you are ready to choose one for good.