Midlife Crisis — or a Legit Reason for Divorce?

When do you know the relationship isn't working?

And when are you sure that it's not the midlife crisis saying you don't like your partner anymore? When does it occur to you that not only are you not made for each other, but you also cannot stand to live in the same home together that you built?

Why do long marriages end over "incompatibility"?

A friend of mine got divorced after 17 years of marriage — reason: incompatibility. It took 17 years to realize they were not right for each other! Almost a lifetime lost with the wrong (?) person.

Another neighbor fell in love with a co-worker, and suddenly the husband was the most boring person on Earth. It took 18 years into the marriage to realize that her husband was too boring for her.

Several years ago, when a close couple had parted ways after 10 years of marriage, I couldn't sleep for nights. Their marriage looked perfect to me. They took holidays together in Europe, engaged in intellectual conversation, golfed together, and even played Scrabble on the weekends. They did look like they were made for each other. The reason for divorce: incompatibility!

I can understand when the reason for divorce is physical abuse, infidelity, drug or alcohol addiction — but incompatibility as a reason after 15 years of marriage… very hard to digest.

Yes, the picture is rosy in the first year of marriage, maybe a few years into the marriage — but by the third year you should have a clear idea of how your spouse is. If incompatibility is a reason for divorce during the first five years of marriage, then it is a legit reason. But after 15 years — look carefully. It could be a case of midlife crisis.

Could it be confusing love with lust?

The neighbor who fell in love with a co-worker often said she did not love her husband anymore. Perhaps she was confusing love with lust. Her new love with the coworker was filled with romance and passion — and she was thoroughly enjoying it. What she is not taking into consideration is that soon the romance and passion will gradually ebb down, and maybe the coworker will start to look normal and boring. Just think of the kids, who are supposed to go through all the mental issues because mamma dear (in many cases daddy dear) is not able to differentiate between temporary feelings of passion and reality!

How did Laura Munson save her marriage?

Laura Munson wrote about how she handled her husband's "I don't love you anymore" and his desire to seek a divorce. She chose to ignore his statements. She believed it was her husband's issues with himself — that he was finding fault with a marriage that had been unflawed up till now. That was a wonderful way to deal with spousal midlife crisis issues; her personal account of how she saved her marriage is worth reading.

Most problems in a marriage can be solved. Marriage is always portrayed like a blissful sketch, more like a fantasy. But reality is that a successful marriage needs a lot of work and a lifetime of unceasing improvement.