When the Spouse of 20 Years Leaves

For another woman or man…

Says he — or she — found love.

But will he live in peace? The one left behind obviously can't: the thought that while she was faithfully working on the marriage, the other was lurking around poisons everything.

But what about the one who leaves? Does he live peacefully? Was it really love he was looking for — or just the racing heartbeat, the surge of hormones that comes with a new romance? That feeling fades in months, sometimes years. Then what? Time for another love-hunt? Another broken marriage?

Infidelity or falling in love — call it whatever you want, the result is unhappiness. In the short run only two people seem happy; everyone else is miserable: the spouse left behind, the kids in both families, and the wider belief in marriage itself. In the long run, if someone can't find happiness within themselves, they'll always be hunting for outside factors to fill their heart.

Marriage is expensive — but divorce is even more. Sometimes it's inevitable; divorce is the only solution, especially in cases of domestic violence. But walking out for a feeling you call love elsewhere? Strange. Because all marriages become boring, and like every other relationship, marriage is hard work.

An unexciting marriage is not a sufficient reason to break it. Instead of finding excitement elsewhere, couples should find ways to make their own marriage interesting — for themselves, for their kids, and for the faith of society in marriage.