Recent Shift in the Role of a Mother

Most days I feel elated about being a working mother. But there are days when the guilt of not having spent enough time with my kids makes me miserable. All of us — mothers, working and non-working — let's face it: we are not spending much time on our kids' development. Of course, there are reasons, and valid ones too. We earn a salary that keeps us financially independent — but is that more satisfying than keeping our kids happy and close to our lives? It is a tough question to answer.

The role of a mother has changed over the years. Gone are the days when mothers were plump and looked like she had just given birth to her kids. Today, it is difficult to make out who is a mother and who is not. That is because looking good and being fit is the norm. Exercising, fitness and looking good are considered part of being a good mother.

So then, do we need to redefine the roles of a woman — as a mother and as a wife? And if so, who would define it for us?

I have noticed every woman around me — working or stay-at-home (including me) — complain about the lack of time in their lives. Have we ever tried to figure out why there's such a shortage of time? Have we carefully thought about where our time is being spent? Is it because we are spending way too much time on social media? Maybe yes.

Digital media and social media get mixed up these days. There is a difference between reading a book, report or journal — sources written by known authors, industrialists, business magnates — and reading opinion pieces by people who might not be the best informed on the topic they are writing about. Are we reading the right kind of information, or are we just seeing the same feed of information repeated from Facebook to WhatsApp to Twitter? It is possible we are only spending time reading everyone else's opinions and experiences. Maybe it is time to feed our brains the right nourishment of facts and knowledge, found in books, newspapers and magazines.

I was happy to learn that Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan marked 2016 as the 'Year of Reading' in the UAE. Reading opens minds, and books open windows to new worlds. As parents, we need to take responsibility to instill this valuable habit in our kids. Why does a country need to take this up as a campaign? Such a campaign is launched when we give more importance to social media and smartphones than to books. If we spend a bounteous amount of time reading on our own and with our kids, each one of us would be contributing to a much brighter future of the world.

WhatsApp and Facebook may have connected many old, lost friends — but they may also have distanced the people staying together in the same room. I often come across people — families, friends — at get-togethers, restaurants and public areas glued to their smartphones. During my college days, my teachers taught me the basics of body language, and one of the primary rules was to look at the person you are talking to. That rule has slipped these days, because we are too hooked to our mobiles when the other person — or our own child — is talking to us. At times, I secretly wish I could go back to phone-free days, when I could give my full attention to the ones near me without looking at the phone.

WhatsApp killed SMS. It is slowly killing email too. Checking WhatsApp messages is part of the daily unwritten KRAs (key responsibility areas) of a person, a wife, an employee and even a mother. There is a WhatsApp group of the mothers of my daughter's class friends, and the school has chosen one mother as a class mom. Her role is to post important notices and announcements in the group. But why is a class mom required these days? Why is there a need for a WhatsApp group at all? If all of us checked the school communicator regularly, would we really miss anything?

It is definite that the role of a woman has changed over the last few years. From being stay-at-home mothers, women are now equal contributors to household incomes, and some are even the key bread earners for their families. But by doing that, are women compromising a great deal on their kids by leaving them with nannies and maids? Some women balance personal and professional lives really well — but in my opinion, that is a skill not every woman possesses. Then why is the norm of taking care of the family, concentrating on the child's development, spending time doing household work — shifting?

Of course, I am a modern working woman who believes in women's empowerment. I am just penning my thoughts down so that whoever reads this piece can hopefully get some food for thought — and maybe make some changes in their daily life so as to better provide quality time to their families, children and kids.

Disclaimer: This article has not been written to demoralize working women; it has been written to ignite the energy we as mothers are believed to bring to our kids.

Written by Monika Prasad — a PR & Corporate Communications consultant living in Dubai for the last 8 years, a wife, and a mother of two kids, aged 5 and 3.