In the Times of the Toilet Paper Crisis

We've laughed, ridiculed, and staggered — yet the TOILET PAPER CRISIS is real. People read the news, social media, and messages from friends and family, and they're still hoarding toilet paper.

I now understand this behavior. One Monday, I bought groceries from the Indian store near our house. Anxiety has known no boundaries in my head — I've been anxious about this virus since February (blame my over-imaginative brain). Coming back to the point: when I had filled my cart with 20 pounds of flour, 20 pounds of rice, and spices, I experienced a yogic calm for a couple of hours. I felt READY — ready to deal with this crisis and the tiny microbe causing havoc around the world. And then it struck me: hoarding toilet paper is a way for people to feel prepared. I had read this, but I only understood it once I bought many packets of spices. A person's primal needs are to eat, sleep, and poop. And when they have enough toilet paper — they feel set.

There is an easier way to be prepared — one that doesn't cause additional stress to other people. There's a simpler solution.

In India, even modern homes don't rely on toilet paper. Most modern homes have bidets — either a basic one or a fancier one (depending on the household's wealth). Everyone else relies on a simple lota — or just a mug and a water outlet — to wash up. In India, people travel with disposable soap sachets, because the concept of toilet paper is still catching up. In my humble opinion, this non-eco-friendly concept of "toilet paper" won't catch on with Indians.

There are four ways to clean yourself after you've pooped — WITHOUT any toilet paper:

1. Lota/Mug. The most basic of all. Take a mug, fill it with water, and use your hands to wash yourself. I know it sounds gross — that's why people travel with disposable sachets of soap. And yes, you have to wash your hands thoroughly — wash them like you've just chopped a dozen habanero peppers!

2. Spray bottles. A step up from the lota. Use a spray bottle to squirt water and clean yourself. Still available in many stores. Your hands stay clean — and c'mon, you can deal with a bit of a wet bum!

3. Hand-held bidets. The most common bidet in Indian homes across the country — and in many Indians' homes abroad. A permanent addition to your toilet, extremely easy to install, and not an ugly sight like a spray bottle or a mug in your beautiful grey-walled bathroom.

4. Bidet seats (Toto/Washlet). The most sophisticated way: seats that sit on top of your toilet with a built-in water spray and drying. Some are so complex they come with a remote — options for back and front, low to high pressure, and so on.

Toilet paper doesn't have to distort your life — there is a solution. With dogged determination, you can solve this and be prepared.

And yes — keep practicing social distancing.

Originally published March 2020.