Does Having a Baby Derail Your Life?

Along with shopping for sippy cups and strollers, expectant parents have been advised to add one more item to the to-do list: honing their marriage skills.

The research behind the advice is well established. Studies have consistently found that couples' marital satisfaction takes a nosedive after the first child arrives — sleepless nights and fights over diaper duty leaching the fun out of the relationship. About two-thirds of couples see the quality of their relationship drop within three years of the birth of a child, according to data from the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle.

Men and women experience the slide differently, says Renay Bradley, the institute's director of research and programming: mothers' marital satisfaction plummets immediately; for fathers, the decline arrives a few months later. Hormonal changes, the physical demands of childbirth and nursing, and the abrupt shift from work to being home with an infant explain the asymmetry.

A growing number of mental-health professionals have responded by advising pre-baby counseling — hash out the division of baby-related labor, money, and expectations about sex and social life before the baby arrives. Hospitals, midwives, and doulas have begun teaching relationship skills alongside childbirth education classes.

Does a baby derail your life? The evidence says the marriage takes a hit — but couples who plan for it, like couples who plan for anything else, come through better. Forewarned is forearmed.

Reporting: USA Today; data: Relationship Research Institute, Seattle.