Raising Kids as Motivated Learners

Why aren't my kids motivated to learn?

Do you have to constantly remind your kids to do homework? Do they have to be asked repeatedly to practice piano? Is anything related to school or educational development always a challenge? Well, you are not alone. Most parents complain of the same issues. These are the signs of an unmotivated learner — and we may not realize it, but possibly it's our style of parenting that has led to them not being enthused about learning or continuous improvement.

What is the key to raising self-motivated learners?

Praise effort, not the outcome. One key to raising self-motivated learners is to reward and praise effort and not the outcome.

Albert Einstein, one of the smartest people ever to be born, also once said: "It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer." If even for Einstein it was perseverance and constant hard work that was the key to his success — then that is true for all of us. We should be praising the effort kids put into something, be it schoolwork or extracurriculars. Instead of telling them how smart they are, tell them how you appreciate the hard work they put in. Try not to compare them with other kids — compare them only with their own work. They should be in competition with themselves, trying to do better next time, continuously improving. If this becomes the case, the child will start enjoying the process of learning and getting better — and you would have successfully raised a life-long learner.

Should kids set their own goals?

Yes — have your kids set goals for themselves. It is very important to empower kids in setting their own goals — the idea is to make them accountable for their success or failures. You can help them define specific goals. For example, if the kid says he wants to do well and score better grades — ask him what doing well means. He might say it means getting "A"s or "B"s in all subjects. Abstract goals are useless; it is specific goals that lead to results. Have your kids write down their goals. Research at Dominican University found that people who wrote down their goals were significantly more likely to achieve them.

Why write down the steps too?

While writing down goals is important, the steps to achieve them are equally necessary. Jot down the steps that will be needed to fulfill the goals. For example, if the kid has put down the goal of getting an "A" in all subjects — ask what will be required to achieve that "A." Maybe it will be an extra 20 minutes solving math problems or practicing piano every day — put these steps down against the goal. This helps in taking control of the situation and proactively working towards the goals.

What if they still fail?

Teach them that failure is just part of life. In spite of setting goals and defining the steps to achieve them, there could still be failures or undesired results. It is the duty of parents to tell kids that it is totally alright to not get desired results sometimes, because that's life. Maybe then it is time to review the steps and goals and see if some other strategy would work better. Kids need to learn from early on that it is alright to make mistakes and fail. Disappointments and failures teach many more lessons than success ever will. The kid needs to feel secure that you, as a parent, will not be mad if they fail. As a parent, you have to see that the child puts in all the effort they can — and eventually, success will follow.

Don't demand success from the kids — demand hard work. Success will follow. Raising motivated learners is a key to success.