Immigrated, but Still Learning the Lingo and Etiquettes

Having lived in the US for 17 years, you'd assume by now I'd know the local etiquette and behavior.

Nah — not so much. I'm better than I was 17 years ago, but still learning. Seventeen years ago, if a stranger said hello, I'd stop, say hi, and engage in conversation — not just casual conversation, mind you, but asking the person if they knew me, and so on. Now I've learned. The US is a place where strangers wave and acknowledge your presence — something I've found far less common elsewhere. I tried greeting people in Paris and got glared at. Lesson learnt.

In the grocery store, I'm still learning. If someone is near the shelf where I need something, I'd try to squeeze in to get my stuff — and I'd hear a sharp "excuse me!" I've learnt that this kind of "excuse me" isn't polite; it's what locals say when they're upset — upset that I should have signaled I needed something from that shelf instead of squeezing through. I'm hoping I've learnt, but the curve is still steep.

It's not just physical space I'm still learning. My Indian privacy boundaries are very different from here. If someone at the gym shares how bad her day is going, I haven't learnt to just politely nod and mutter some inane comment. I'd be curious to know what's making her day so bad — is it her kids, her husband, her job? I don't catch the cues until I see the silent roll of eyes. Still learning small talk; the curve looks steep.

A few years ago, a friend who works at a childcare was reprimanded at work. She had told one of the mothers that her twins were very "naughty" — in her mind, she was complimenting the mom, meaning the twins were lively and spirited. But the mother took offense: here, "naughty" doesn't carry the affectionate connotation it can in India. Her supervisor told her to choose her words more carefully. Lesson learnt.

I'm sure many of you have had experiences like this. Please share yours.